The word ‘should’ seems harmless enough, but it seeps into almost all areas of our life if we're not careful. If you start to notice how many times you use the word ‘should’, either out loud or to yourself in your mind, you might be surprised at how often that is. And once you start to notice how often it's present, the more you notice it.

We all have internal stories that we tell ourselves about how things 'should' be. These are shaped by things like societal expectations, cultural norms, and family pressures.

When I was building my business several years ago, I had a goal to work with corporate clients with group sessions delivering programs that I’d created. This is what I thought success looked like in my industry as a coach. But what was interesting is that after achieving this goal for a couple of years and delivering these programs I felt stressed, unfulfilled and worn out.

It was hard to identify the fact that I was labelling the work I was doing as ‘should’ and it took me almost a year to decide to let that goal go and follow my intuition and my passion instead.

Because these goals were so wrapped up in my own identity as a business woman, as a coach, as a mindfulness teacher, it was incredibly difficult to let them go. I felt like I’d failed. I questioned my competence. It was really uncomfortable. I had to start from scratch almost with who I was in my business and what it meant to me and what I wanted out of it. I had to get really clear on what I was good at (this is hard enough), and what my business goals were. And most importantly, what my purpose was for doing any of it.

Sitting with that discomfort gave me many opportunities to really accept the truth of that feeling which was that it wasn’t my goal. Once I let that go and built my new authentic goals I felt so much better, freer, lighter and happier.

BRING AWARENESS TO YOUR SHOULD’S 

To start being more aware of your should’s, you could make a note of every time you notice using that word and what it’s relating to. It's an interesting exercise to look back over the previous week to see how that word has shown up in your life and in what areas of your life.

Meditation is also a great way to gain insight into your inner world. Even 10 minutes a day to sit with yourself is a really enriching experience. It gives you a snapshot of who you are in the world. You're observing who you are in that moment without any distractions, other than the ones in your own mind. Reflecting on your meditation afterwards is also a really good way of increasing your awareness about who you are, what you want and what you think you want.

Another way of being more aware of your ‘shoulds' is to ask a friend or partner to call you out on them. Tell them what you're doing and ask them to let you know when they hear you use that word. Maybe you can do this with someone who also wants to be called out on their shoulds. Accountability partners are really useful for growth practices.

SHOULD VS NEED 

Something that’s important to recognise with this is the difference between “I should” and “I need too”. Of course there are things that we need to do, particularly in our business or in our home life, so being aware of the difference between those two is important so that we don't judge or criticise ourselves for everyday tasks that we have to do.

We can use critical thinking techniques here to question do I need to do this? We can ask “Do I feel like I should do this or do I want to do this?” Trust your gut on this.

LET YOUR WORK BE GUIDED BY YOUR TRUE DESIRES

Here are three reflective questions to help unearth any 'should's that might be subtly influencing your business decisions:

1. What are you currently doing in your business that feels more like an obligation than a passion? What creates a sense of duty rather than excitement?

2. When was the last time you felt truly energised by your work? Consider the moments or projects where you felt most alive and fulfilled. What were you doing, and how does that compare to your current business activities?

3. Are there aspects of your business that you maintain only because they meet someone else's expectations? This could be keeping certain clients, services, or even business models that don't align with your vision but are kept to satisfy external pressures.

LIVING AUTHENTICALLY

Removing 'should's from your life and business begins with clarity. The action steps take real courage too because it can be hard to let them go! So much of who we are can be wrapped up in should’s. But know that you’re not alone. We ALL have them.

If you start to make small changes about how you make decisions and  what language you use every day around these ‘should’ topics, you’ll soon see and feel a difference in your experience.

Start to eradicate those pesky should’s…

⛓️‍💥  Before committing to any new project or business strategy, pause and ask yourself, "Am I doing this because I feel I should, or because I truly want to?" This helps filter decisions through your authentic desires rather than through a heavy lens of obligation.

⛓️‍💥  Regularly revisit your business goals with your personal values. Consider how you spend your time (your most valuable commodity). Balance daily action with your long-term goals and reflect what's truly important to you, not just what you think should be important.

⛓️‍💥  Start small by changing or dropping one 'should' at a time. This could mean delegating tasks that drain your energy, saying no to projects that don't align with your goals, or gradually changing your business model to better fit your personal vision and dreams.

Life is short…. Jump in and take action. We’re here to celebrate that with you!